The Weirdest Dibbun Story in the World
by Jessie Oakshade
Summary: The Dibbuns are bored until The Big Booming Voice comes, and now they have something to do! Dwopple-haters, you will LOVE this story! New chapter, new plot line, REVISED!! Funny in a corny way...
1. Chapter One: Plane Tickets to Florida

This is my first attempt at a humor fic so please reply!  
  
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(All the dibbuns are lounging around the pond)  
  
Arven: I be's bored.  
  
Bagg: I too.  
  
Rollo: I three.  
  
Bungo: Hurr, oi fore.  
  
Dumble: So, wut us'ns gonna do, eh?  
  
The Big Booming Voice: How would you dibbuns like to go in space?  
  
All the Dibbuns: ?????  
  
The Big Booming Voice: I repeat, would you dibbuns like to go in space?"  
  
Dwopple: (loads his sling)  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Hey, I can see you!  
  
Dwopple: (hides sling innocently behind back) Me not doin' nuffin'!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Do not lie, insolent rip. Even if you tried using your sling on me, it wouldn't work. Nyah, so there!  
  
Mousebabe: (nods sagely) Ah, 'e be's in space!  
  
Furrtil: (climbs on top of a rock, talking at the sky) Hurr, is it noice oop in space, zurr?"  
  
The Big Booming Voice: (tone sounds more cheerful) Oh yes, I love it up here. You should come up here sometime.  
  
Gonflet: Huddle! (dibbuns go into a huddle) So, should we goes uppin space?  
  
Furrtil: Soun's fun!  
  
Dwopple: Me no wanna go! Space soun's scary!  
  
Runn: Ah, shut up Dwopple. I says we goes in space!  
  
Bungo: Hurr, oi does too!  
  
Chugger: (breaks from the huddle and stands on the rock) 'kay, mista, we all decided now. We wanna go in space! But Dwopple hafta stay here cuz he don' wanna go.  
  
Dwopple: (stamps his paw and whirls his sling, aiming and loosing off a stone towards Chugger)  
  
Chugger: (is hit by the pebble and falls into pond) AAAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Okay now, first you must build a space ship.  
  
Dibbuns: ???  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Go and get some tools, and build a SPACE SHIP!  
  
Dibbuns except Dwopple: (squeak and run around, looking for tools to build a space ship with)  
  
The Big Booming Voice: That's better.  
  
Dwopple: (folds his paws) Hmph! Me no wanna build a space ship.  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Oh yes you will.  
  
Dwopple: (sticks out his toungue) No I won'!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Oh yes you will.  
  
Dwopple: No I won'!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Yes!  
  
Dwopple: No!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Yes!  
  
Dwopple: No!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: (groans dejectedly) ARG! You leave me no choice. (a lightning bolt strikes Dwopple. A big cloud of smoke appears, and when the smoke clears, the dibbuns see… Dwopple. He looks the same, except that now he's mouthless)  
  
Dwopple: (looks angry and stomps his foot) MMMMHMMMM MM MMMMM!!!!  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Ah, that's much better. Forget about the space ship, here. (something falls from a cloud)  
  
Skittles: (jumps and grabs it) What izzit?  
  
The Big Booming Voice: It's an envelope. Inside are airplane tickets to Florida.  
  
Chugger: Fwrorida?  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Duh? Florida? Flori-duh? You know, that place where they can't even read or write a proper ballot?*  
  
Dibbuns except Dwopple: What's a balit?  
  
The Big Booming Voice: Ah, never mind, anyway, just go to the airport, gate Z00, and your flight leaves at noon. Good luck! See you in Florida! (goes away to make himself a pina colada)  
  
Gonflet: Wet's go t'da airport! (all the dibbuns leave Redwall, heading towards the airport)  
  
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PLEASE REPLY AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!  
  
*You may think I'm insulting people who live in Florida, but keep in mind that I have lived in Florida all my life! And no, I DO NOT live in that county where the ballot mess went on. 


	2. Chapter Two: Some changes

*grins* Sorry for the long delay, it just occurred to me half a year later I wanted to continue this story due to some glowing reviews.  
  
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At the airport:(Don't ask me how they got there from Mossflower)  
  
Trey: (with tickets in hand) So, where us'ns go now?  
  
Mousebabe: (roll eyes) To gate Z00, shoopid, dat's where da pwane takes off.  
  
(All the dibbuns walk through the airport, gazing around in awe at all the amazing electronic gadgets, while some people stare strangely at them. One woman actually tried to call for a security guard, but Dwopple took care of her. Ah well, he's good for something. *is glared at* Okay, okay, I got the point.)  
  
At the baggage check x-ray machine thingy:  
  
Security Guard: Please put your luggage on rolling belt and walk through here, please.  
  
Dwopple: (scrunches face and narrows eyes) MmmMMM HHHMMNP!  
  
Arven: (walks through doorway) You be's quiet, Dwopple, this persun's be's nice, 'e said pweeze.  
  
(all the dibbuns walk through the doorway, and not a beep is heard)  
  
Coggs: Cummon, Dwopple, 'urree up an' walk through!  
  
(Dwopple is about to walk through when the Security Guard towers over him and begins to confisticate his sling)  
  
Security Guard: I'm sorry, sir, but weapons of any kind are not allowed in the airport or on board a plane at any time.  
  
Dwopple: (growls and leaps on Security Guard, and bites his hand to get his sling back)  
  
Security Guard: YOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bikkle: *looks puzzled* I thot dat Dwopple 'as no mouth, 'ow kin 'e bite his paw? (she said "paw", referring to the Guard's "hand", since she is unaware of the existence of the word "hand")  
  
Arven: *whispers in her ear* Don' worry 'bout him, we try an' leave 'im behind! 'urry! (All the dibbuns start running towards the airplane and board)  
  
On the airplane: Ferdy: Where Dwopple?  
  
(A surly-looking Dwopple saunters up the aisle, from the baggage area, clutching his sling. Still mouthless, but there)  
  
(Suddenly, the lights go dark.)  
  
All the dibbuns except Dwopple: Eeeek!! What's 'appenin'?  
  
(Lights go on again, but this time, the airplane has vanished, now they are in a largish room with no windows and one door)  
  
Gonfflet: 'ey now, wot be goin' on?  
  
Author: MWAHAHAHA!!  
  
Furrtil: Burr, show thoiself!  
  
Author: I can't. I'm, uh, sorta stuck out of the story. See, I'm the author. I'm the one controlling your every movements and words. If I write myself into the story, I might not be able to get out, and therefore, we could run into some, ah, eternal problems.  
  
Posy: You be ruinin' aller fun! An' I thought dat da Big Boomin' Voice wuz supposed t'tell us'n's what t'do.  
  
Author: Well, I admit I should've have stalled that plane ride. I didn't like the way the story was going, so I'm changing it. You have to admit, we did make an improvement to Dwopple.  
  
Dwopple: *glares at Author nastily* Mmmf fmmf!  
  
Author: Mmmf fmmf yourself, disgusting rogue! *turns to all the dibbuns* About the Big Booming Voice, ignore him. I gave him nothing but the power to exterminate mouths, and some plane tickets to Florida. I'll be introducing some new people through that door, so just hang on.  
  
Coggs: *narrows his eyes* Wot new people?  
  
Author: *airily* Oh, you'll see. They won't hurt you, I promise.  
  
All dibbuns, excluding Dwopple: *raise eyebrows*  
  
Author: Hey now, I'm giving you my word on this, I just want to see how you'll all react.  
  
Mattimeo: Me no know 'bout dis.  
  
Bikkle: *hands out slings* Jus' in case..  
  
Door: *rattles*  
  
Dwopple: *positions himself next to the door, so as to give the intruder a good whacking when they come in*  
  
Door: *is burst open*  
  
All dibbuns excluding Dwopple: *big gasps, Dwopple tries to gasp, but with the absence of a mouth, he only exceeds in choking through his nose and is bent double*  
  
Other dibbuns besides Dwopple: *unconcerned about Dwopple, concerned about what's behind the door* EEEEEEK!!! REDWAAAAAALLLL!!!!!!  
  
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That was horrible, wasn't it? Just say so, and I'll feel relieved. I don't feel like writing the rest right now, so I cut it off in this convenient place. Nice, eh? I do assure you that non-Redwall characters will show up, it will be quite amusing.and don't grow impatient, my loyal Dwopple-haters, I have a good reason to believe he will come close to being chopped up by a lightsaber in the next chapter. 


End file.
